What I have been has helped to shape me into who I am and yet who I am is not the whole story…. because in a strange way I am still becoming who I am… and who I want to be is not something different but rather more of the me that I already am…the fear that I still feel comes from being afraid of the real me thinking that my true identity must be marred and kept hidden behind closed doors. Don’t knock on those doors because if you do you will force me to figure out who you want me to be and that’s who I’ll pretend to be all the while hating you that you put me in a position where I had to choose…to pretend or not to pretend that is the question…and yet there is no question as to which is nobler in the mind but you see, you really put me in a bind because I’m not sure who I am and I don’t want to know and there is no way that I want to let go and show you because if I don’t even know me, how can I know you and therefore trust you with the me that I’m not sure I want to see.

And this is all without bringing God into the equation because you see, he claims to have created a new me and yet what does that mean? Is that the me that he hopes I become or the me that I already am or some combination of the two? But really there is just one uncomfortable and yet potentially liberating question…will I open the door or not? Because if I do and the outcome is good then I’m free, free to be me regardless of what that means but if I open the door and it doesn’t work out…then what in the world do I do? But life wasn’t meant to be lived on the fence hence…hence I will open the door only because I trust not in what I see in me because I don’t and I’d be lying if I said that I did. I do trust however…I repeat I do trust however who you are and you are calling me to open the door…so how could I possibly refuse if I believe in you and if I don’t believe in you…what difference does it make anyway?