So in less than 3 weeks, the Russo family will welcome Samuel Aaron Russo into the world and God willing, that will complete the Russo family. That will put us with 3 kids, 2 cats and a dog that won’t listen…believe me, our house is full! (-:

Our oldest, Isaac, will be 6 in April and Jonathan, our youngest, will be 4 this month. It may be cliche to say, but time definitely flies. I by no means consider myself to be any kind of authority on parenting, but I have definitely learned a ton in the past few years and I thought it might be helpful to share a few of those lessons.

1. Being a parent is supposed to humble you

It’s relatively easy to look at other parents and be an armchair critique. We can philosophically debate parenting styles and methods of discipline, but the game completely changes when you become a parent. You instantaneously realize that a magical handbook doesn’t automatically appear from the sky to endow you with the parenting wisdom of the ages. In the best case scenario, it’s you, your spouse, a loving community and a growing faith in God.

Parenting humbles you because of the love you have for your little ones. You want to give them the absolute best that life has to offer and you’re simultaneously aware of the millions of areas where you fall short. This tension is intended, I believe, to draw us to our knees in prayer. As we allow ourselves to be parented by our Heavenly Father, he daily equips us with the necessary tools to parent the children he entrusted us with. There is no room for pretense or facade in parenting. Parenting is more caught than taught, so it benefits no one to pretend we have it together. The best parents I know have a radical dependence on God.

2. Unconditional love and strong discipline are mutually inclusive

On the one hand, when I see my little guys I want to give them everything. You want a car? Sure. You want all the money in my wallet? No prob, bud. I read a quote once that said that “parenting is choosing to have your heart walk around outside of you.” I couldn’t agree more. When I see Izy and JoJo, it’s like looking at my heart running around outside my body. They’re extensions of Abbi and I.

At the same time however, those boys can get into trouble! A mentor of mine once told me that he wanted his kids to know two things, “That he loved them and that it was unthinkable for them to disobey him.” hahaha A little scary, right? I thought it was awesome! I’m in the same camp as that. I want my kids to know that I love them and I want them to know that when mommy and daddy say something, we mean business. This isn’t because of some power trip, obviously. I want this because there are going to be plenty of junctures where their best interest is going to be to lean on the wisdom that Abbi and I have accumulated by  God’s grace and by trial and error. I need them to see us as their authorities. We’ll obviously taper back on some of the authority stuff as they get older, but while they’re as young as they are, mommy and daddy are the king and queen of their world.

3. A strong marriage is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children

It would take too long to try to fully explain this, but you can take this one to the bank. I realize there are plenty of single parents in difficult situations and this point is not at all intended to judge them. Some of them are amazing people that are doing the absolute  best they can in tough situations. If you’re there, please know that my heart goes out to you and I admire what you do. For those who are married, this one is for you. Work on your marriage with dogged intensity.

It is a myth to think that mom and dad can just love the kids, put the marriage on the back-burner and everything be ok. It’s not the reality. Your kids will benefit tremendously through you having a strong marriage and they will suffer greatly if you choose to not make that investment. A strong marriage is not one where you never fight. I’m not talking about a plastic relationship. What I am talking about is a marriage where two imperfect people fight to pursue God together alongside hard-fought  for intimacy with each other. Every inch that you gain in that direction is worth every ounce of energy it took to get there.

4. Have grace for yourself

I know I’ve been guilty of this at times, but I can’t stand it when people are judgmental of other parents. You don’t know their story. You don’t know their struggles and if you’re not willing to come alongside and help them, it’s best if we all just mind our own business. No two kids are the same and it is an incredibly tough journey at times. We all make mistakes and as a wise counselor said, “It’s best to just assume that people are doing the best they can with what they have.” We’ve all made mistakes, we’ve all lost our temper and we all need grace. There is no sense in any of us acting like we have this thing figured out. The cause of Christ and that of humanity would be best served if we all resolved to admit when we’re wrong, receive the grace that God offers and help others who are on the journey with us.

I love being a dad! I really do. I can’t even express in words how much I enjoy the privilege. Not because every day is great and my kids always listen to every word I say…I just really enjoy the journey and am thankful for the man I’m becoming through the grace that God offers me as I try to raise my kids in a godly home. I don’t have it figured out and I do covet your prayers. Let’s all humble ourselves, receive the grace God offers us and choose to be allies and not enemies of the parents who are struggling right alongside us.