23 years ago today was one of the most difficult and defining days of my life. My mom had been battling gall bladder cancer for over a year and on that particular day, the cancer took her physical body. I was 9 years old at the time and unbeknownst to me, my life would never be the same.

It would take a book to fully chronicle my journey since then, but here are a few things I know. Because of that awful tragedy….

1. I was catapulted into a search for truth and significance

As I processed my mom’s death over the years, more and more questions came to mind. Is she ok? Is she looking down on me? Is there a heaven? Will I go there someday? Is there a God? Is there more to life than what meets the eye? These are questions that every human being must grapple with and because of what happened to my mom, I had no choice but to face them.

2. I was forced to look at the reality of my own mortality

Even though we all know death is certain, so few people actually internalize this important truth. When you run a race, only a fool would start to run without knowing how far he had to go and what it would take to get to the finish line. Psalm 90:12 says, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” I don’t know that the author of this psalm was asking that he might learn how to number his days, but rather to learn that his days are numbered. This truth received in the heart instructs us as to how to navigate the difficult waters of this life.

3. I was challenged to look at eternity

I would describe myself as having been an agnostic for a large portion of my upbringing. I was comfortable with the notion that there was more to life than what meets the eye, but I was not comfortable with anyone claiming to know what was out there. We live in a day and age where doubt is seen as a virtue. Where it is seen as humble to always be searching, but to never actually have answers. Call me naive or arrogant, but I’m not content with that. I do not see the search for metaphysical truth and reality to be a never-ending rat race that ultimately amounts in a multitude of fuzzy ideas without any conclusive answers. I believe the building blocks for a strong philosophy, religion and worldview are readily available to those who are bold enough to diligently and persistently seek after them. I believe that not only are we created, but that we were created by a God who wants to be found. I challenge you to find your own answers and to not settle for anything less.

The reality and circumstances surrounding my mom’s death are almost too painful to revisit. I was a 9 year old kid whose world was smashed into a million pieces. There are still days when I wonder if those pieces can ever fully be put back together. I miss her. She was a phenomenal woman and from what I remember and have been told, she loved me fiercely. I could easily wallow in sadness and anger towards God for allowing her to die…I just believe there is a better way.

Perhaps you have experienced tragedy in your life…most of us have. I challenge you to do the difficult work of reflection and discovery believing what the apostle Paul wrote in Romans 8:28. It says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[a] have been called according to his purpose.” This does not mean that all things are good, but rather that all things can be used for good. My life is a testimony to this truth.

Here’s my mom and I around 1984. I was 2 at this point.