While Abbi and I have been married for almost 6 years, it was 9 years ago today that we started dating. I can honestly say that I’m married to my best friend and I have no idea what I would do without her. Those of you who know Abbi and I well know how true that statement is (-;

There are all kinds of relationship principles that I could share but there has been one thing that has been a hallmark of my relationship with Abbi from day 1 that I believe would be helpful to anyone.

Transparency.

I decided a long time ago that I would not hide from Abbi and she decided that she would not hide from me. I heard a wise pastor not long ago say that intimacy could be broken down into In-To-Me-See. Abbi knows everything about me. I put everything on the table in front of her….the good, the bad and the ugly. So many of the fights that occur between couples come from a refusal to be vulnerable. When you are completely vulnerable with someone, it feels like you are putting a lot on the line. You risk rejection and judgment and this is hard to do. The truth of the matter is however, that you cannot have a strong relationship without transparency.

I do a lot of counseling and most of the couples that I see are having 2 conversations at once. They are having the conversation about the peripheral issues while the deeper issues between them are interacting under the surface. If they would have the boldness to state the underlying fears, insecurities, wounds and issues, they would cover a lot more ground.

Sometimes those deeper issues seem too messy or too jacked up to share but it’s worth it. Marriage is not the place to hide. In the world we live in you simply cannot trust everybody but there have to be people that you go all in with. Trying to make a relationship work without transparency is like trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces in the box….frustrating.

My encouragement? Take the risk. It will be messy. It will be difficult but this is the only way you will ever find intimacy in your marriage.