I do a lot of marriage counseling and there are definitely some patterns that emerge when it comes to struggles with communication. I’m not a huge fan of jigsaw puzzles because I don’t really have the patience for them. There are a lot of pieces and they have to go together in just the right way for the picture to look right. Good communication has some striking similarities to putting together a jigsaw puzzle. Imagine if you tried to do a jigsaw puzzle but left some of the pieces in the box. That would be really frustrating wouldn’t it? You would be trying with everything you have to put it together but you simply wouldn’t have the ability to do so. There are a lot of couples that do this when it comes to communication. They spin their wheels endlessly trying to fix the relationship but they don’t want to share everything about themselves with their significant other. This can be the case in friendships or in any type of relationship. All the pieces have to be out on the table if you’re going to really make it work.

Now I’m not saying that you need to share every intimate detail about yourself with every person that you’re in relationship with. That being said, the amount of closeness you want in the relationship will be directly proportional to how open you choose to be. It’s difficult to put all the pieces on the table because you risk the other person judging you. You just have to decide how much you want to solve the jigsaw puzzle. If it’s your marriage that’s struggling, there is no price that’s not worth paying. Putting all the pieces on the table doesn’t guarantee success but success is impossible without it. If you share your deepest struggles, wounds, insecurities and whatever else, then the other person can come alongside you and become your biggest supporter. If you keep all or most of that stuff hidden, it will negatively impact the relationship and the other person won’t even understand what’s wrong. Have you ever heard the saying that “hurting people hurt people?” I’ve also heard it said that “We’re only as sick as our deepest secret.” I think that there is a lot of truth in those two statements. Again, not sharing everything about yourself and trying to make a relationship work is like trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle while leaving some of the pieces in the box. You may get part of the picture looking right but you won’t get the whole masterpiece.

Whether it’s a marriage, a friendship or some other relationship in your life, how many pieces are you leaving in the box? If you want greater success, my challenge would be that you take some risks and put more out on the table. It may be difficult at first but with the greater risk comes the potential for greater reward.