Quite honestly, I meet too many people who have it together. You can tell the type, can’t you? They just exude a sense of arrival. In our age of social media, it has become easier and easier to convince the watching world that our lives are great. Our kids are always adorable, our lives are messy, but in all the right kinds of ways. We’ve, with the help of Jesus of course, escaped the brokenness of the world. We always smile, we never fight with our spouses and we certainly don’t struggle with ongoing mental, emotional and spiritual brokenness. Welcome to the world of TOGETHER.

We all have those people in mind, don’t we? Those people that we are pretty certain have life figured out. The fact that they wouldn’t say they have life figured out adds all the more fodder to our idea that they have life figured out. Truth of the matter is, I struggle with trying to pretend I’m one of those people.

People don’t really know what to do with brokenness. Try telling someone how your day is really going and watch the glaze go over their eyes. Most people don’t really care how you’re doing. Unfortunately, that’s just the reality of the situation. Sure, out of guilt they’ll pretend to, but most honestly don’t. Most people want to hear that you’re doing great because that helps them perpetuate the lie that they’re doing great too. It’s a vicious cycle.

Honestly, I’m tired of trying to have it together and I’m tired of being around people who pretend to have it together. But, what’s the alternative? Are we all supposed to be emotionally raw with everyone around us? Should we post our most miserable moments on Facebook instead of our most joyous ones? How can we be “positive,” but also real? I have some ideas.

1. Find a mentor or two

People who think they have it together are allergic to relationships that assert the opposite. Sitting down regularly with a mentor means that you have a relationship in your life where the fundamental understanding is that someone is further along than you. This helps break down the pride and leads us closer to reality.

2. Have at least one person in your life who isn’t impressed with you

I love the way my wife honors me. She is a phenomenal woman and she reminds me regularly that she thinks the world of me. That being said, my wife is a truth-teller. It is simply not in her nature to not speak truth or act like she agrees with something she doesn’t agree with. I may get tons of head nods and smiles from other people, but Abbi is going to let me know what’s up. This is so incredibly helpful when it comes to keeping me grounded.

3. Share about your brokenness

I’ve heard it said before that we impress others with our strengths, but we connect with them through our weaknesses. There are tons of social situations where I’m tempted to talk about my strengths. Especially if I feel inferior or uncomfortable, I’ve mastered the art of sharing something I’m good at in a seemingly humble way. Let’s not do that. Instead, even when we know we could probably impress others, let’s go the other way in an effort to connect. Paradoxically, there are few things more impressive to me than someone who is incredibly strong who doesn’t seem to know it or isn’t impressed by their own strength. That’s a rare thing in our day and age!

4. Start comparing yourself to Jesus

You know, the more you spend time with Jesus, the more challenging it will become to convince yourself and others that you have it together. The world will say you have it together once you get your image under control. Just buy a house, post the right things on social media, smile a lot and a handful of other things and then you’re in. It’s that simple. But if you start spending lots of time with Jesus, your brokenness will become more and more clear. For those of us who call ourselves Christians, we have said that we want to become more and more like Christ. Part of that process is facing deeper and deeper levels of our own depravity. The cool thing about God is that he doesn’t shame you, but instead he brings you hope and healing.

There is more that could be said, but please don’t have it together. When we act like we have it together, we just perpetuate the vicious cycle that our culture lives in. We also inadvertently make it harder for those around us who are struggling to be real with us and with themselves. Life is hard enough. We don’t need people around us constantly reminding us that our lives don’t measure up, but this isn’t about throwing stones. The best way to affect social change is to embody what you want to see in the world around you. (Ghandi) So, let’s do it together.